As some of you know, my oldest son, Scott, has been fighting stage 4 cancer for over 18 months now. He had been suffering from severe back pain during the 9th and 10th year of his career as a U. S. Navy helicopter pilot and was being treated by Navy doctors while on active duty. Unfortunately, they never found the cancer and just gave him pain medicines to treat the symptoms. Then they medically discharged him, and turned him over to the VA who gave him a 100% disability rating. The VA sent him to community care for treatment and they started treating his symptoms, much like the Navy doctors. He did some research himself and asked me about my arthritis and history of back problems, thinking he might have ankylosing spondylitis. After two more years, he finally got his doctors to take an MRI, and that is when they finally discovered the cancer in his hip bones. That clued them in to look for the source of the cancer and in the next MRIs they found metastases in his brain, lymph nodes, lungs and other organs throughout his body. They said it had started as a lung adenocarcinoma, which is the leading cause of cancer death in the United States. They didn’t come out and say the prognosis, but they didn’t give us much hope for him to live more than a few months.
That was in January 2023 and I wrote this on June 25, 2024. That was his 38th birthday and he is still able to get out of bed and walk around, but sometimes he looks and sounds like he could die at any moment.
I remember clearly when Scott called us, my wife and I, and told us about the diagnosis. It was on January 8. We were at a restaurant in Heber Springs Arkansas, where we were staying in our fifth-wheel RV. We promptly hooked up the RV to the truck and headed for Rockingham, the small town where he lives just outside of Harrisonburg VA. When we arrived, Scott and I talked a lot about all sorts of things, including modern medical treatments and complimentary alternative medicine (CMA) options. Since I am an experienced Medical Physicist and recently worked in the Radiation Oncology department in the navy, I encouraged him to start with modern medicine but to keep an open mind and look into alternative techniques. He chose modern medicine and although it seems to have extended his life, it failed to stop the cancer.
Modern medical treatment
Right after being diagnosed, he immediately began chemotherapy at Centerra Cancer Center in Harrisonburg. There was no discussion about whether or not he would receive radiation therapy and soon after he started, his iron levels dropped so low that he was in danger of dying from anemia. When discussing his options for treating the iron deficiency, one of his doctors told his wife that it didn’t matter what option they chose because he was going to die in a few months anyway. A week or so later, they found out that that he no longer had a doctor because his doctor had been let-go and he was dropped as a patient. After a brief fight with the VA to get approval, he went to Charlottesville Cancer Center. The doctor there gave us much more hope. He changed Scott’s medicine and eventually administered Intensity-Modulated Radiation Therapy (IMRT), which is what I had specialized in as a Medical Physicist. By the end of his treatment regiment, the tumors had stopped growing.
My wife and I returned home and kept in touch. We came back to visit and celebrated Christmas with high hopes. Then in February, we got a call from Scott’s wife and she told us that the tumors had started growing again. His doctors told him that there was nothing else they could do for him, but gave him the contact information for a clinical trial for a new drug. He was still relatively strong and decided to catch a flight with our youngest grandson to visit with us at our home in Abbeville Louisiana for the week of March 23-30, 2024. His wife said it was to “make his peace” before he died. We had a nice time, fishing in our pond, shooting clay targets, piddling around in our vegetable garden and just hanging out with the family. He also talked about applying for the clinical trials and I talked more about the holomorphic process and faith healing.
He returned to Harrisonburg and was accepted into the research program. They gave him the trial drug, but after a few treatments, he started having adverse reactions. He slept for three days and his wife could barely wake him up to take his medicines. On the fourth day she took him to the emergency room. They took an MRI and found that his brain was swelling around the tumors, making him lose his vision and then lose consciousness. Once he got stabilized, he checked himself out of the hospital and convinced his wife to take him and the kids on “one more vacation.” They drove down to Solomon’s Island VA, more than half-expecting to die. He wanted to be there, where he had many fond memories as a child. After taking the trial drug again, he was out for two days again. That is when his wife called us. She told us what had happened and said that she was not going to give him any more of the trial drug. She also invited us to meet them back at their home, that he was being transitioned to hospice care. She said that he did not want to be resuscitated if he were to die and so she had signed a DNR.
So here we are back in Harrisonburg. We have been here for a little over a week, staying in a rental house a few miles from his place and visiting with him when he is awake. Our youngest son, Bobby, flew up here and told me that he realized that the song he wrote when he was just 18, called “Save Me From Myself” was a perfect reflection of what is now happening to his brother 20 years later. The way he sees it, which is what I have taught him and Scott all their lives, is that we all have two “self’s,” our “thinking self” and our higher “knowing self.” When he wrote the song, it was like Bobby’s “future self” was singing to future Scott about a dark shadow in the mirror of his mind, a “life-sized inkblot” following him around. So he envisioned that Scott would sing the song to himself and that his higher self would save him from his lower self. The lyrics are:
Save me from myself
When the image in the mirror gets so far from the truth and your footsteps lie contrary to you.
Like a shadow you can’t shake that keeps shifting and making you make mistakes then the war is here it’s at your front door.
Sometimes the only way to lay waste to a bad thing besides “the bang bang” is a train of thought a tough road to walk.
When you’re caught with that life-size inkblot following you around, fight the urge to throw your arms to the ground.
Come on open your mouth brother make a sound and say
Chorus:
Save me from myself. I’m alone and I don’t want to find that a hero has been standing by. Save me from myself cause when there’s nowhere left to run and the man in the mirror’s got a gun, you’ve got the power to bring about the Sun.
Verse 2:
So fight the good fight.
You could if you would step on through the night, if you stood up and bled just a little instead of fled, well then you should see the shadow start to fade from sight.
And if you’re curious and I know it’s not easy but I wouldn’t leave you behind or show you a lie if you’re bleeding then that means I’m also cut. So
Chorus:
Save me from myself. Well I’m alone and I don’t wanna find that a hero has been standing by. Save me from myself cause when there is nowhere left to run and the man in the mirror’s got a gun you’ve got the power to bring about the Sun.
Bridge:
And when there’s nobody else to… face except yourself, just come on down off your shelf now ’cause there’s no way without a fight we’re going down.
Chorus:
Save me from myself. I’m alone and I don’t want to find that a hero has been standing by. Save me from myself cause when there’s nowhere left to run and the man in the mirror’s got a gun, you’ve got the power to bring about the Sun.
Mind-body medicine
I don’t know about you, but that just blows my mind! He said the words just came to him all those years ago. As we reflected on the words and how it happened to be composed, we could see the holomorphic process at work. He had separated, projected into the future, and reflected. He wrote the song and now, when we are actually living in that future, as we all reflect on the words, they have reintegrated with the present. Our former physical selves are left in the past and we are higher beings. That is how we can beat the cancer. We are all visualizing the processes in Scott’s body, projecting holomorphic images of bright, white T-cells being produced in his immune system. We project our own knowing selves as integral parts of his immune system and participate in his healing.
We are not religious, but I was raised in the Catholic faith, so we have also been praying to God. I don’t think of the word God as a person, like a father or mother. I know it as stated in the Catholic Catechism (CCC 215) as meaning Truth-itself. Truth-itself is infinite. I cannot envision the infinite, abstract concept of truth-itself as a person, so thinking of truth-itself as a “father” just seems lame to me. However, Jesus makes perfect sense to me. I can accept Jesus as “the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6) the son of God – the personification of truth – a person who used the power of truth to heal and perform what appeared to be miracles. I pray to Jesus, and he has led me to think of myself as “Immanuel,” which means God is within me. I envision myself as a being of light (as a projection of truth on the infinite background field of Truth-itself) and imagine focusing my light-of-truth on Scott. I use the power of truth to illuminate his red blood cells, transform them into white T-cells and tell them to find and destroy all the cancer cells.
Today is Monday, July 8 and Scott is still strong. He doesn’t drive, but we have been driving him out to the cabin where we are staying and he celebrated the fourth-of-July with us. I will try to keep you posted about his progress and about how we continue our holomorphic healing process.
The Holomorphic Process 